Health Questions

Over the weekend I managed to cozy up to a patch of poison ivy. Not on purpose; that would be dumb. Though I’ve always wanted to try what they do in deep African countries where the natives attempt to build up a resistance to poisonous plants by rubbing their bodies with them, but I’ve never really gotten up the nerve. Anyway, I could see the rash forming on my right arm and hand during the past couple days, and with a long weekend and a major vacation on the very near horizon (hold on to your Instagrams) I decided to take steps to clear up this issue immediately. So I went to one of those walk-in medical centers because I don’t have a primary care physician (why get a doctor if they regularly bring bad news?) and I needed a fast treatment. Here are two series of actual exchanges that arose during the visit.

Check-in lady: [sitting in front of me] ”Last four of your social?”
Me: “5555.”
Check-in lady: “Do you consider yourself Hispanic or non-Hispanic?”
Me: [long pause] “I’m told I am a non.”

The second came when the doctor prescribed a steroid to stop the itching and spread of the poison ivy.

Me: “Are there any side effects?”
Doctor: “Yes. Some people get a lot of energy and become very hungry, so if you eat you may see some weight gain.”
Me: “Okay. I guess what I was asking is ‘Can I still drink?’”
Doctor: “Yes. Have fun on your trip.”