25 Things About Me
This first appeared on Facebook more than a year ago. I’ll let you figure out which stuff is true. 1. I am very much like Superman. 2. I was a reporter at a newspaper. Clark Kent, Superman’s alter ego, works as a reporter at the Daily Planet. 3. You should see me shirtless. Shredded, cut, rippling muscles. Very, very Superman-like. 4. Superman doesn’t kill people, at least not on...
Behind the Scenes
Finally got around to watching the J.J. Abrams-directed Star Trek last night. Great pic, though I had one tiny holdup that annoyed the hell out of me throughout the final half of the two-hour movie. It was a camera trick that I felt was rather overused - perhaps you noticed as well. Here’s an idea of how I imagined some of the post production went in order to create that minor...
What the hell?
yhf: First I miss @jephkelley’s birthday and now I almost missed @vmarinelli’s? This trend must cease. Happy birthday, Victoria. May this one bring joy and much overdue blessings and all things good your way. Dude seriously what do you have against people who live in Richmond?
I am going to jump off a building if I have to continue arguing with you. So, if...– Some shitburgling cockbucket on The Hills …KEEP ARGUING WITH HIM, GIRL!
Flatfronts or Whatever
Jim (@jkubicek) and Stephanie (@ccsteff) live in a triangle-shaped building in Richmond. It's not as tall or nearly as famous as the Flatiron Building in New York, but their condo complex is generally of the same shape.
Last night, I was with Jim, Stephanie, and Their Neighbor at a Happy Hour.
Me, to Their Neighbor: "Oh so you live in the same building, eh?"
Their Neighbor: "Yep, right there."
Me, attempting to sound smart: "Cool, cool, yeah it's kind of like that famous building up in New York, the Ironfronts."
Their Neighbor: "Ironfronts?"
Me: "Yeah, you know, you've seen the picture, the Ironfronts. It's on Fifth Avenue and in the shape of a triangle like your building. I took an art history class in college so I learned all about that stuff, and I always thought the architecture lessons were pretty cool and somehow I still remember everything I learned."
Their Neighbor: "Don't you mean the 'Flatiron' Building?"
Stephanie: "Haha Jeff, you thought it was called Ironfronts man you are such a fucking loser God we hate you so much you douchebag moron."*
*Stephanie did not really say it in those terms but there was laughter at my stupidity of attempting to sound smart.
…my shit while watching “Up” last night. Maybe I lost my shit because she was losing her shit all over the place, but let me tell you, there was a shitload of shit-losing last night between the two of us. I can’t remember the last movie where I lost my shit like that.
How I'm gonna come when they kick at my front door
I’d say I’m more of a hands-on-my-head than the trigger-of-my-gun type of guy.
You learn something new every day, and today it...
It looks like the words “fun,” “funeral” and “real” had a kid or something.
A bottle of whiskey strikes up a conversation with...
I don’t drink bourbon whiskey in public anymore for this very reason, which The Onion nails to perfection. I laughed and laughed. Unless sipped in a quiet setting with your doors locked and your keys hidden and your loved ones far away and all sharp furniture padded in case of your inevitable stumble and fall, bourbon is a dangerous liquid. In my experience, it’s all fun and games and...
I have recieved many inquiries into the status of the moatweet, the tweet about a moat that I mentioned the other day. I will be sure to provide you with a more in-depth update in the near future but please know that the moatweet is in phase two of development and will be unleashed upon the world sometime soon.
Beat This Laziness
Tonight, driving back to my place, I realized I needed milk in order to make our macaroni and cheese dinner. Instead of stopping at a convenience store to buy milk, I went through the McDonald’s drive-thru. They gave me a weird look, but it was worth it to not have to get out of the car.
…with writer’s block. I bet Batman never had to deal with this shit. Which doesn’t mean I’m not Batman, so screw you for even thinking that. I still could be Batman, easily. Batman had his own mental blocks from time to time, writing or otherwise. He probably had blocks over grappling hooks, like for example, where on the building to shoot his hook. I bet sometimes...
Our Janitor Guy
I’ve always enjoyed collecting music posters, and I’ve got a few hanging in my home and office. In my office are two Springsteen’s, a Wilco, a Clash and some other musical nicks and nacks just to make the place feel more like my own. I was on the phone at work yesterday when our janitor - a frail, quiet black man - popped his head into my office and was holding two framed Hatch...
Whether you are happy or sad at last night's...
…the documentary Helvetica last night. After that, I totally “get” Arial now. As for the movie? Look, I get all the rave reviews. Really, I do. I’m not a graphic designer but I do work in communications, though let’s be serious here: 82 minutes of talking about fonts? And most of the dialogue in barely-comprehensible Swedish? I feel like I already know all I...